you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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