It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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