just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
