MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
