What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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