I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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