Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
