They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize