Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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