I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
