$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
