remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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