Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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