Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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