I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
