last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
