I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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