I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
