How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
