I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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