So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
