And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
