just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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