My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
