there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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