'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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