How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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