I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
