let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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