new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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