theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
