I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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