i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
