Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
