phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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