I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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