So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
