After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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