he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
