So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
