Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
