The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
