the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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