I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
