I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
only if we run a train.
done.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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