i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
