and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
