My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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