you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
