I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I skipped work to stalk him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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