Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize