Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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