Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
