I skipped work to stalk him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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