Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
