If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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