whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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