god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
