i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
