i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
