She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
