Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
