Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
