sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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