so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
