Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
