You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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