mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
