i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
