Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
