I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
