i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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