I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
