found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
