Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
