I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
