i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
